By Ben Cohn
Published: March 22nd, 2017
After 21 years of service, the Brooklyn College bookstore will be closing this summer. The store offered students a convenient and easy way to obtain textbooks that they would read three times for only double the price. Students could also rent textbooks, but these specific books contained mostly margins full of notes for a thesis and love or hate letters. The store is as old as a student typically is when he or she stops caring about books.
Students also shopped for off-color sweaters and books on classical philosophy that they said they would read before they graduated, but never even touched.
The Brooklyn College administration has decided to allow students to say goodbye to the textbooks with style. The mathematics textbooks, some costing upwards of $200 each, will be gathered in one pile while all the other textbooks will be placed in a separate one.
Students will be called individually by their EMPLIDs to trample on the books, followed by a torch ceremony conducted by the most fed-up students: seniors. Whoever looks the most tired will be given the privilege of delivering the eternal flame to its resting place among the pages of dry information.
All students will be invited to prance around the flames and toss in any books that they do not like. It has been rumored that the flavorless gum and the pencils will be sold at alumni dinners because the school can no longer afford the tuna sandwiches it has provided in the past.
Professors have frowned upon the decision, as they will be deprived of a valuable source of income. For a long time, the professors had a side deal with textbook companies for a piece of the action in the great scholastic racket.
Following budget cuts, Brooklyn College has been forced to find its own way to create heat for the school. The flames of the fire will heat up the pipes around campus and create the boiling temperatures that students are used to.