By Ryan Gleason
Published: February 13th, 2019
These are letters submitted to our paper by students who have had missed romantic connections throughout the fall semester.
“Dear Tall, Blonde, and Gorgeous,
We had an online Biology course together and I saw you when we dropped off labs. You said you would be interested in going out with me once hell froze over. If you haven’t noticed, this weather is pretty chilly. I’ll be waiting for your call 🙂
Sincerely, Slightly Awkward Not a Creep”
“Dear Muscle Man with the Tan,
You stopped me in Boylan to tell me I had a “double-double badonkadonk.” That was the most romantic thing I have ever heard. All my girlfriends would love to meet you! Meet me at the Avenue H train station in the corridor where there are no cameras this Friday at midnight and we’ll meet you there! Don’t tell anyone where you will be going. It will be a night a gentleman like yourself will never forget.
Love, Miss Ogyny and Friends”
“Dear Bearded Bear,
You are a rugged manly man with a thick beard and strong looking hands and shoulders. I think you could really help a slim young man like myself out… You said you have experience working on cars and right now my 2016 Honda Civic is acting all wonky. I think it’s the fan belt. We met in Forensics. I was the one with the good bone structure. Also, you are really cute so hit me up! But seriously, my car…
With love, Car Crush”
“Dear Doctor Dreamy,
So we met at the clinic last November. You were going to get forms filled out for your insurance and I was going because of a rash on the side of my… arm… and you said you were single. Haha, call me crazy but I think this is fate. Please try and find me. I go to the clinic now every week because the staff there thinks my rash resembles Robert Downey Jr. and they keep bringing in, I’m assuming fellow medical professionals, to examine it. They take photos sometimes. I think it is to ask other doctors for a second opinion. Any who, awaiting your call <3.
Best, Mr. E. Rash”