By Ryan Gleason
Published: December 5th, 2018
As a college student I am tasked with completing required and desired courses throughout my four-year career here. Sometimes, I must take classes at random to get enough credits to graduate. This semester I chose French, a language spoken by the French people of France. I bet you are wondering why I chose a course that teaches me an entirely different language if I had no desire to continue in that subject. Well, I realized I had an opportunity. I had the opportunity to learn conversational French within five months. Just in time to get comfortable and confident enough to invade Canada during the winter.
I am a supporter of a border wall being built, as long as it goes up north and keeps those maple syrup drinking psychos out. They have had it too easy for too long. They come into OUR country, experience OUR seasons, then leave and go back to their snow-filled hell.
They have national healthcare? Excuse me? I wouldn’t want to share an Uber with someone who can afford to be healthy. Americans have been sick and dirty since the dawn of time and that has made us stronger, so all these fully vaccinated yoga hosers are just carrying diseases and passing it off to us so WE have to fight it with OUR superior immune system. Is that fair? No.
Lastly, has anyone even met a Canadian? When Canada sends Canadians down here, they aren’t sending their best. They are sending Hockey players, and Moose. That’s right. Moose. Scary Moose. Half of the Canadian population are Moose. The rest are toothless Hockey jocks. Hockey is a dumb sport and the fact Americans actually play that slap-stick ice soccer is ridiculous. If man were meant to skate on ice, God would have made us born with blades on our feet.
Not all Canadians speak French… but by gaining the trust of those who do, I can make the entire country implode. I will divide and conquer their polite nation with the wrath and fury only known to be had by a true American. I will show those “thank you” saying fools what real freedom looks like. But I digress, back to my review of this semester’s course.
My French class instructor is a delight. She teaches the subject super well and my entire class has progressed significantly over the semester. The class is fair and the language is beautiful and fun to learn. Being able to speak in one of the Romance Languages definitely is a skill worth learning. I would recommend this class and this instructor to anyone who is considering learning a second or third language. But I would never recommend going to Canada. Heck, even upstate New York is too close, might as well call it South Ontario.