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Trump Tweet Inspires Cult-like Ceremony at Brooklyn College

By Ben Cohn

Published: November 16th, 2016

Emotions have been running high on the Brooklyn College campus following Donald J. Trump’s presidential election victory.

There have been protests and countless discussions in the classroom. The president-elect finally wrote about Brooklyn College from his Twitter account this past week.

“When I look at a school like BC, I see too many different kinds of people, very confusing! Who is who?!” he tweeted. “We need more of my people, true orange Americans! Sad!”

After his tweet, Brooklyn College supporters of the president-elect have taken to performing a ceremony to confirm their loyalty. At an event titled “Orange Deplorables Unite,” a large vat was filled with the dust of the Cheetos snack product. Then, one at a time, the supporters were dunked into the vat and brought back out again to thunderous applause.

At the event, there were also coupons for local ultraviolet (UV) tanning salons. Fliers being distributed at the event claimed that going to the tanning salon after being dipped burns the Cheetos dust into the skin for a permanent orange hue.

“I would compare it to a baptism,” said the event’s organizer, who declined to reveal his name and whether or not he attends Brooklyn College. “You go in as a one of those PC crybabies and you come out telling it like it is. Wow. It’s a miracle, really. I’ve already sent Mr. Trump several invitations but he has yet to get back to me.”

One supporter, who wanted to be identified as Mr. Orange-USA, explained why he decided to attend the ceremony. “People always complain that Trump supporters are racist, and I think it’s because we’re white,” he said. “But how can we be racist if we create our own race of orange people? People of color can’t be racist right? And I’m pretty sure orange is a color. I’d like to see the liberal media do something with that. I identify as an orange person.”

The ceremony has drawn its fair share of criticism from students and administrators at Brooklyn College. There was a small group of protestors outside the ceremony. There were many signs that expressed the confusion and anger that students felt about the activities of the loyal “Trumpers.” Many signs simply just said phrases like “what?” and “god no, this isn’t real”.

Brooklyn College President Michelle Anderson weighed in on the ceremony. She released an official statement which read: “I don’t know who these people are or how they got a permit to have this thing, the First Amendment I suppose,” she said. “I obviously don’t support Mr. Trump’s comments on diversity but we can’t do anything to stop people from wanting to become orange. Maybe it’ll provide free flavoring for people in the lunchroom, just wipe your bread on someone’s Cheeto arm. That’s all I can think of.”

Trump’s supporters are planning another ritual this coming week that they claim will be “huge” and “very cheesy, incredibly cheesy, bursting with cheesy flavor.” Suspiciously, Vivek Sankaran, the chief operating officer (COO) of Frito-Lay, which is the maker of Cheetos, has contributed $10 million to the “Make America Great Again” campaign.

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